Welcome to my emotional roller coaster ~middle, end, beginning~

“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”

Or a little this way and a lot that way, but still I’d like to go back there and kick my own ass for all those things I understand to do differently now, but instead I will learn, I will share and I will grow. Life can be an emotional roller coaster, mine certainly has been, but I persevere. I invite you to experience my journey as I write from the depths of my heart. Please, take what you like and leave, or sell, the rest.

Ever get fed up from the sound of your own voice? Get sick and tired of camping out in misery, the woe is me, pitiful state of being? I have. It was 2 days after Christmas 2019 and a long time friend had sent me the intro to the latest book she received as a gift. I had been inflicted with the flu on Christmas Day, was stuck in bed and was feeling so lonely and as I read it, my heart lifted. I asked her what the title was and as I saw those 4 words, girl, wash your face, I looked up and smiled. Ok God, Your 3^rd message for this book. I felt His strong nudge and ordered it on audible. Seemed fitting to be read to since the flu bug I was battling didn’t allow me the energy to actually read. This young, inspiring author spoke truth right into my heart. So much of what she talked about resonated. As she went on to tell her story I thought to myself, its time girl, get started on your own book and blog.

I give myself permission to glance back at my journey so long as I don’t stare. Eyes forward is the goal. The continuing of forever reflecting is serving no other purpose but to remain stuck. Am I merely justifying my lot in life of that claimed stake of a crappy hand dealt? Pity parties are not on the agenda, I know better, but movement feels paralyzing at times. After all, this has been my life. If I don’t keep it alive, who will? There is a time to talk and then there is a time to heal and that time is now. I have told the little girl inside me that all will be well, especially us. Secrets that once kept us safe are ours to reveal and share for our healthy healing process.

The drive behind writing this at all is to save my soul and preserve my sanity and it all comes together right here. I did the whole camping out thing in trying to figure out what happened to me over those 8 ½ years. I began to make myself nearly as crazy as the life I had been participating in, or rather was drawn into so insidiously. It had consumed me. I was gone, but to where?

to be continued…

Author: Tammy Kay

Somewhere along blurred lines, my self worth was solely dependent upon everyone else's opinions besides mine. Past life would keep dictating this way of “living” for a very long time. Like a brick pathway, my belief system was cemented in and it established a flawed premise of which I had learned to stick with and live by. I have since come to understand that a belief is just a thought I continue to have. So brick by brick, I’ve begun the demolition and reconstruction during this process of becoming the most authentic version of me. For a lifetime this far, I have accepted the unacceptable, tolerated the intolerable and have remained in places far beyond their expiration date. After all, I had to stay with all my broken pieces. Now, I have been stifled for far too long. Freedom has bestowed upon me the use of my voice at last. Won't you join me on a new roller coaster of life as I navigate my way through this next part of my journey? I promise to share my experience, strength and hope from my heart with depth and truth. I guarantee I will write about difficult things, struggles and even pain, yet in the darkness a little light glows. Through inspiration, a glimmer will shine because I want to leave you a little better than when you first found me. View all posts by Tammy Kay

6 thoughts on “Welcome to my emotional roller coaster ~middle, end, beginning~”

I have yet to be brave enough to write a book though I have written well over 100,000 words in the first year of the blog and enjoyed writing every post. Some were a struggle, but only a few. Most wrote themselves. Things change though and the need to write and read motivating source material diminished. Write while you are compelled to do so and it may just become a life-long habit. I’m very proud of the writing I did do; some of it very much so. I am seeing your improving skills. You’re rapidly improving. Persist.

Calvin Coolidge – “Nothing in this world can take the place of
persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more
common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost
a proverb. Education will not; the world is
full of educated derelicts. Persistence and
determination alone are omnipotent.
The slogan Press On! has solved and always
will solve the problems of the human race.”

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Tammy Kay says:

June 27, 2021 at 8:43 pm

Wow, awesome encouraging words, thank you! My former life is what was in the way in addition to myself. I’ve a lot to share and write as do you.
Appreciate the quote. Parts of it made me chuckle. Well said Mr.
Coolidge!

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Tammy Kay says:

June 27, 2021 at 8:46 pm

Read it. Loved it. She inspired me to crack down and write a rough draft for 1 of my manuscripts.

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