It’s not rejection, it’s God’s protection for the wrong direction…

Cradled 🙌🏼

Into the night she ran
not knowing how she got there
or when it all began

Faster her legs took her
far from it all
it’s all such a blur

Stopping to catch a breath
smiling to herself
saved from her own death

Feeling so alone now
she knows the faithful One
she hits her knees to bow

You rescue me time and again
I feel Your strength
rising from within

As she rose to her feet
His presence comforted her
surrendering without defeat

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Checkmate

empowerment 👑

In the dark corners of my mind
a twisted thought evokes
but not your typical kind

Etched upon my brain
rolling around as I lash about
running to escape the pain

Such a fucked up system
he sits up there feeling superior
boastfully believing in his own wisdom

I stare over to you sickened by your frame
while the hustle and bustle strangle the air
I finally realize this has all just been a game

I’m the pawn that suffered beneath you
the queen really yet you were never a king
this plot is almost over with one thing left to do

Those shackles I once wore
place them on you now
never again will I be your little whore

Spin it around as you begin to fear
I’m the one seeking pleasure this time
walking away I turn to see you leer

So much hate burning from your flesh
how agonizing it must feel
never a moment to rest

Run away far and wide
it always catches up
there is no place to hide

I’ve taken the reign
who’s controlling who now
the true master inside this brain

don’t cross me evermore
in the end I will win
the truth will show

I’ve withstood and fallen down
from that grave I arose
buried alive you couldn’t keep me underground

Staring out at the smoke filled sky
imagining what my life will finally look like
as I silently whispered to you a final goodbye

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Stronger for it

Fear is a liar…💪🏼

You set the pace in this rugged little rat race
I turned for a moment stuck in the torment
This seductive game I couldn’t be contained
Shrewd yet so weak pretending I was meek
Calling your bluff in your ridiculous cuffs
Rolling my eye no more tears left to cry
Pathetic to any shunned by many
Digging your way down buried underground
I laugh at you now with your furrowing brow
Disapproval lashing about fuck off hear my shout
This battle is over the war won covers me in clover
Flourishing in joy no longer your ragged little toy
Dead soul torn apart what once held your heart
You’ve lost much more than I gave you credit for
Etched upon my brain your turn to feel such pain
It all began with you telling me nothing ever true
Blood boiling red your skin peeling so to shed
Addiction is your enemy but I however am set free
Taunt me more believe what you don’t know
Hell is where you reside not a soul on your side
Only in the wake of your demise you fall not rise
Me on the other hand unstoppable taking a stand
Tell me again once more with conviction
about honor respect and love
Oh wait that’s right yours is only a contradiction
You taught me more than I ever bargained for
Let me praise Him for pushing me out the door
Stop listening to his demands
Only the righteous One commands
The world will shout but the Man whispers about
“Get off his back
Get out of God’s way
Get on with your life”
Get it? Got it? Good!

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Destined for greatness

It’s in her last breath the relieved sense of letting go
Her life unfulfilled yet blessed by the never ending show

A raw existence cruelty by another’s hand
She gave all she ever had but never took a stand

Her smile so infectious laughter quite contagious
She gave fake niceties that kept her spirit righteous

Evolving over time ever present she couldn’t be
His malicious behavior strangled her so tightly

How could she know her baby girl’s watchful eye
Picking up and mimicking as she walked on by

Get ahold of yourself as she looks in the mirror
Life is meant to be lived fully not just in a glimmer

Put down the bat the one tightly in your grip
Touch the brakes exit this ride kiss your pretty lip

You are not her all broken and torn apart
You’ve unlocked the secrets to transform your wounded heart

She wouldn’t want any of this wretchedness on your path that you are bound
Can’t you hear her words gently telling you to pick yourself up off the ground

I’m sorry little one who still cries deep inside
I’ve loved you since day one now let mercy take you for a ride

With this grace of comfort you deserve more than I could give
Now it’s time to shine rise up and really start to live

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Inner turmoil

Searching for peace…

Trembling through the fire
You taunted me today
I saw it in your eyes
That merciless desire

Out of the oblivion you appeared
Twisting along the country road
Alone with my thoughts
A familiar hand waving as I leered

Suspicious of your calculated gaze
My throat caught a gasp
Nothing made sense
Again leaving me in a daze

This shell has turned into dust
What do you repeatedly want from me
Flatten your destructive path wasn’t enough
Emptiness hollowed with it trust

Flashed quickly through my brain
These are the confusing thoughts
Stay in my rear view please
I’m jumping off that train

What more could I give
Everything you took
Received nothing in return
Times up let me live

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Just scream into the void

empty space, mine

A wrinkle in time
Heart won’t slow
Eyes can’t stay closed
Set the clock to rewind

Listen can you hear me
I lost my breath out there
Extracted every emotion
Floating about feeling free

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

My fear doesn’t stand a chance when I stand in Your love

Dark as the full moon sits high above
Pondering old thoughts thinking about love

What does it all mean
Another sip of this warm toasted bean

Only two hours from now
You’ll hold your head and bow

It didn’t have to be this way
The pain you carry is what led you astray

One final session fate in another’s hand
Words you will never speak cover up your brand

The crime committed loving with my whole heart
Under your captivity ripped us completely apart

Be well until the end of your time
For me I’ll sit quietly and continue to rhyme

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

The empath and a narcissist, the perfect storm of destruction

🔥 💣

One day you will;

  • Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube
  • Put a wrong seasoning on his steak
  • Question his communication/sexting with that other female
  • Stack the entire wood pile and it will be wrong
  • Report any male interaction (which is not allowed anyhow) inaccurately
  • Have your own thought or unwelcomed opinion
  • Ask permission to help your child, be told no and having it tear you two
  • Speak to anyone in public while by his side without permission first
  • Take initiative and always get it wrong
  • Not have all your thoughts gathered prior to asking him a simple question in the form of a request
  • Make any decisions without asking him first
  • Think you can use the bathroom without asking first
  • Forget to bring the lint brush to your inspection
  • Wear something/everything to please him
  • Speak casually about nothing in particular
  • Have emotions about something
  • Have feelings about anything
  • Provide self care that doesn’t suit him
  • Rest when there are chores to attend to
  • Do anything that might negatively affect him
  • The word no will be removed from your vocabulary then if there’s any implication of a pushback, and there will be and it will torment you that he has the last word and final say in everything pertaining to you

and when you do…

As I warn you of his darkest secrets, I can feel his hand around my neck, pulling my hair back with the other while he leads me to the bed where I would find myself bound face down, ankles tied to a dowel, rear end arched in the air, naked and exposed, completely at his mercy where he would begin administering his correction with corporal punishment by means of a cane, all the while asking why you did what you did, telling you to count down every painful swat as the lacerations trickle red fluid and you will weep and you will sob and you will be terrified to stay and tormented to leave and you will wonder if he means it when he says, I love my good little girl…so you stay, broken and defeated only to fall asleep and question… it all

You will wake up one day very soon, consumed with anxiety while confusion ensues and fear will rule your world and he will revel as you wriggle. He will coerce and convince you that you have a masochistic little girl deep down inside just to feed his sadistic appetite. He will take this as far as possible, insidiously it will overtake your world and then you will find it near impossible to escape as the pathways of your brain become trampled. You begin questioning yourself, believing his words and then you will disappear inside your mind, lost to yourself and the world you once knew.

He will invest in you in ways that make only him happy, so long as you worship and serve solely him and you don’t disrupt his intentions and goals to use you, possess and keep you for his property to use at his disposal, that way he can destroy you and you won’t know what’s coming.

You will unintentionally cross him, guaranteed, and he will call it catastrophic. The dismissals of you will begin. Each and every time he discards you, will be more painful the the last and he will do this, time and time again, until you become wise to him, then and only then will he begin his sick psychotic cycle again and every time he summons you back will be worse than the time before and this will become your bond of trauma, your life and none of it will be real, except his sickness of narcissistic abuse.

You will find yourself blasting My Immortal, singing it loudly and passionately to his absent self hoping he would feel, something, anything, as if he ever cared one single ounce for you, because he didn’t. He can’t. He’s numb.

He despised me using my voice in the end, unveiling his true ways and that truth is, I loved a malignant, sociopathic, covert narcissistic person for 9 years. One driven by his own pain and agony as the wretched demonic attachments linger and strangle his heart further.

I was his main fuel supply for his every erotic, sadistic thought and act, his deepest devotion only to his manipulation and domination. My fear was his oxygen, his control was my nemesis, destruction and demise. For any other on his radar, close to being in his clutches, entrapped by this ongoing calculated mode, he will assuredly lure you in as his next victim and flying monkey. Sucked in to perform his cowardly dirty work for him, beware. These are his only means of controlling what is the only thing that ever mattered to him and is now uncontrollable, and that my darling, is me.

✍🏼🧖🏼‍♀️

The day I stopped fighting the battle is the day I won the war

I’ve rehearsed every line practiced in my sleep
Exactly what I’ll say just to find some peace

The day is drawing near another rabbit hole I slid
All because of your undoing it is time to close the lid

My light was dimmed not even a small spark
These gloves are swinging punching in the dark

Mystified in misery anger fluid and abound
Not one more fight left crashing to the ground

Standing tall before my eyes wiping away the tears
Finding it hard to believe I wasted so many years

Pausing only a brief moment in this singular display of pride
I raised my hands up in the air taking it all in stride

My flesh for you is no longer I take it all back
No human should suffer the likes of your own lack

And with a deep breath I could never quite swallow
I took my first step and chose not to follow

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️