Stronger for it

Fear is a liar…💪🏼

You set the pace in this rugged little rat race
I turned for a moment stuck in the torment
This seductive game I couldn’t be contained
Shrewd yet so weak pretending I was meek
Calling your bluff in your ridiculous cuffs
Rolling my eye no more tears left to cry
Pathetic to any shunned by many
Digging your way down buried underground
I laugh at you now with your furrowing brow
Disapproval lashing about fuck off hear my shout
This battle is over the war won covers me in clover
Flourishing in joy no longer your ragged little toy
Dead soul torn apart what once held your heart
You’ve lost much more than I gave you credit for
Etched upon my brain your turn to feel such pain
It all began with you telling me nothing ever true
Blood boiling red your skin peeling so to shed
Addiction is your enemy but I however am set free
Taunt me more believe what you don’t know
Hell is where you reside not a soul on your side
Only in the wake of your demise you fall not rise
Me on the other hand unstoppable taking a stand
Tell me again once more with conviction
about honor respect and love
Oh wait that’s right yours is only a contradiction
You taught me more than I ever bargained for
Let me praise Him for pushing me out the door
Stop listening to his demands
Only the righteous One commands
The world will shout but the Man whispers about
“Get off his back
Get out of God’s way
Get on with your life”
Get it? Got it? Good!

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

God anointed me to write

Strangled by oppression, eventually anger will build and pool in the very soul that was created in love. Out of fear and doubt, the inability to speak, my insides cry and lash out. Why can’t I exhume my deepest thoughts? What I say matters, intellectually inspiring, there is so much to share.

Convicted as a child with emotions to express, ridiculed for feeling, thinking, with wants needs and desires. This would carry on and haunt me like the enemy adores, but God is my one and only, He blessed me with an almighty voice. Choosing to write is what’s saved my own life.

A reflection of what I’ve been carrying around, the pen flows my truth, saving me from being buried underground. At times there are poems rhyming and sometimes not. Uncomfortable to some, embraced by those who aren’t fearful nor flee. My words unbound placed upon my heart. The freedom to shed that has both kept me together and torn me apart.

Truly a masterpiece, His prized work in this aspiring vessel. His Mercy and Grace bringing forth what has been nestled. Now I can see it, my truest self worth I’ve always hidden. Staying this course will revise how I’ve lived, protecting the gifts I’ve been given.

There are people I love and things that I need, but in the end, I always receive everything I believe. When I stop chasing after those who run and hide, I am equipped to move towards what beckons from inside.

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Finding her way…

Back. Back from where? Was she ever really lost or just misguided? Her path obsolete, or obstructed? Her eyes lost sight of You. Her heart led astray, she gazes into darkness. What’s that strange glow over there? She wondered if she were to follow, where it would take her instead.

Alone. Could she even imagine? Her heart pounding with anticipation. Fear rises in her chest. Her breath gasps all the while as her feet press on. Trust this road. Strange as it may feel. Unsteady, untraveled, yet somehow safer, more will be revealed.

Brighter. The air smells clean. Her lungs catch the depth of her inhalation, taking another gulp. Releasing the toxins, her long exhalation, she sneaks one more and smiles. Even her vision, no longer impaired as she drinks in all the beauty in front of her.

Beckoning. The force pulls her. Unlike any she’s experienced before. This is sweeter, gentler, safer. “This way,” a soft whisper in her ear, “be the change you want to see”.

Puzzled. She shakes off the lies, pulls the constraints, flips the tape over to hear a different story. The one where she shines before her light went dim.

Solitude. She goes within. Silently she sits at last. Longer stretches of time pass. That awaited breath flows like never before. This must be what peace feels like.

Strength…
✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Flip the script

🏳️‍⚧️ Free to be 🏳️‍⚧️

Those lies, the ones they told me, I’m learning to rewrite the words in a way that inspires rather than devours me. In a word, or 4, I am a good person.

Ever get tired of listening to the sound of your own voice? The one that rattles on inside the corners of your mind? As I begin to take captive these very objective thoughts, I practice re-recording them. Now when I begin to play them back, I hear my voice, my truths, my consoling love and I let go.
Capturing the simplicity and compassion I’ve longed for.

It isn’t in another where I seek and draw from the soothing joy I find within. I watch my daughter struggle with her inner being as she wrestles the demons that have haunted her, but she is all knowing. She always has been. She is a conqueror, a warrior and she’s afraid sometimes, but she rises up to take on the challenges of another day. I admire her completely. I support her in the ways she needs and I step back while she finds her way.

My life has been that incessant rollercoaster. This child of mine is most like me of all. She’s witnessed her mom’s struggles and has even inherited many of my traits. She is fiercely independent yet welcomes a hand up from her trusted allies. I embrace this journey she is on, loving her with absolute unconditional love while I learn by listening.

Even though she tells me not to be, I’m often apologetic for not seeing through her pain early in her life. I’m your mom I tell her, I knew instinctively of your hurting, but what it was I couldn’t figure out. I thank her for trusting me now. For being the bravest young person I’ve ever known. One who has courage when her fear stops her in her tracks, paralyzing her from taking a step on any given day, but somehow managing the next breath. In a world that is more divided, cannot accept diversity and is extremely judgmental, she perseveres. I tell her she has been blessed with this gift to do great things.

As my granddaughter and I walked up to join my daughter in line at the pharmacy yesterday, a woman in front had been chatting with her as they stood patiently awaiting their turn. She smiled at me as I took my place next to her and this kind, older lady asked, “is this your son? I was just saying there’s a twin in here that looks just like”… she trailed off, I felt my heart thump as this was my first encounter, an opportunity to practice my reply. I smiled at my daughter, hesitated, wanting to feel natural and proudly correct her, when the words, “they’re with me” escaped my lips just as my 9 year old granddaughter confidently spoke up, pointing at her dad, correcting the lady’s mistake… “her daughter”, she told the woman. “Ohh, sorry” her words apologetic and sincere. Both my daughter and I beamed as we looked at this unwavering little girl. We should all be so matter of fact, straightforward and honest.

She taught me a valuable lesson in that simple display of assuredness. This is not something to make any sort of issue out of, unless you choose to. Wisdom comes from the most untouched of places. I stood in awe and felt my heart swell in admiration. Life is as simple or difficult as we make it be.

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Destined for greatness

It’s in her last breath the relieved sense of letting go
Her life unfulfilled yet blessed by the never ending show

A raw existence cruelty by another’s hand
She gave all she ever had but never took a stand

Her smile so infectious laughter quite contagious
She gave fake niceties that kept her spirit righteous

Evolving over time ever present she couldn’t be
His malicious behavior strangled her so tightly

How could she know her baby girl’s watchful eye
Picking up and mimicking as she walked on by

Get ahold of yourself as she looks in the mirror
Life is meant to be lived fully not just in a glimmer

Put down the bat the one tightly in your grip
Touch the brakes exit this ride kiss your pretty lip

You are not her all broken and torn apart
You’ve unlocked the secrets to transform your wounded heart

She wouldn’t want any of this wretchedness on your path that you are bound
Can’t you hear her words gently telling you to pick yourself up off the ground

I’m sorry little one who still cries deep inside
I’ve loved you since day one now let mercy take you for a ride

With this grace of comfort you deserve more than I could give
Now it’s time to shine rise up and really start to live

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Inner turmoil

Searching for peace…

Trembling through the fire
You taunted me today
I saw it in your eyes
That merciless desire

Out of the oblivion you appeared
Twisting along the country road
Alone with my thoughts
A familiar hand waving as I leered

Suspicious of your calculated gaze
My throat caught a gasp
Nothing made sense
Again leaving me in a daze

This shell has turned into dust
What do you repeatedly want from me
Flatten your destructive path wasn’t enough
Emptiness hollowed with it trust

Flashed quickly through my brain
These are the confusing thoughts
Stay in my rear view please
I’m jumping off that train

What more could I give
Everything you took
Received nothing in return
Times up let me live

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

I am

Meet me where I am 🙌🏼

I don’t care to elaborate, but I digress
The leaders You chose to disciple are a hot mess

From the Foursquare all the way to Calvary
They stand before shouting the night away

I hear them spew the Word hums of Your teaching
Stand pridefully up there practicing and preaching

One ominous Sunday I heard the man express
His own shameful ignorance and even less tolerance

It was in that sermon I knew in my heart
God You will meet me wherever I part

You cannot be contained my merciful One
Your grace blesses me and all that I have done

I am Your child as is she
Glory to You and all that we see

In short I forgive the flesh that is his coat
He is no more valid than a man or a goat

His words how they pierce
With a tongue plagued with fierce

I walked out that door no intention to return
Under my breath I mumbled let it burn let it burn

Since that day a few weeks have passed
My devotion to You continues to last

Intrigued by the notion bound to receive
I pledge my love to You because I believe

Your promises unfailing and love ever true
I’ll carry the message and bring it right back to You

And they all said…

🙌🏼

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Life is in session

For as long as I have a breath in me… 🌬

What the fuck
I flip and I flop
Like the hands on clock
Forward they move
Stop in a groove

You have my attention
But wait
My obsession
Distracted by this
Tortured by that

Get up another day
To tackle what’s new
Face the old
Embrace what’s askew

Fuck my life
In this single moment
Love what inspires me
Let go of the torment

Hold on to what’s right
Tattered and worn
Nothing left to fight

Just a sappy movie
Sit by my side
Time is of the essence
You’re missing the fucking ride

Grimace don’t smile
Fatigued
Run the extra mile

Can’t I just stop
No baby girl
Not until
You’ve reached the top

I’m ___ without you
A better man you could be
I hate every second
knowing you’re lost without me

and again and again…

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Relentless patience

Captive and kept

You taught me things about being your best
Loving myself was far from the rest

You showed me what it was like to serve only you
To be selfless everyday pulling me through

I surrendered to your laws
You magnified all my flaws

Convincing me you were after exceptional
When nothing less than perfection was acceptable

You were a blessing and then it was cursed
Everything calculated everything rehearsed

How you became the broken man I met long ago
Baffles me still in this game of the unknown

I’m hurting from this pain left in ruins of my heart
Wishing you would just stop tearing me apart

This unrelenting sadness devours me whole
Retreating to the depths of my wounded soul

Some days I taste the freedom from your grasp
Others I awaken and feel like this will last and last

Won’t you stop this insanity I don’t wish to play
Let me move forward stop taking my breath away

I had to go I couldn’t remain
In the dark and dismal place to glorify your name

What’s done is over put it all to rest
White flag of surrender this is not a test

All the while I felt the laceration
Breathless and shattered forever your complication

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Just scream into the void

empty space, mine

A wrinkle in time
Heart won’t slow
Eyes can’t stay closed
Set the clock to rewind

Listen can you hear me
I lost my breath out there
Extracted every emotion
Floating about feeling free

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

I am a child of God, you are the spawn of satan

There’s no other way to shake it
like a record stuck in its groove
round and round it spins
it has no other choice but to move

Cursed by your demons
the one you call master
left to your own devices
finding yourself running faster

Contentment escapes you
wrangling up another captive
truth prevails and is triumphant over evil
race towards the drama in order to live

Your breath is his power
fear feeds his oxygen
see him kick back and smirk
just to watch you do it all again

They panic and wage
spiritual warfare will ensue
my God is bigger
what more can you do

Your best shot is losing
the plot grows thick
letting your guard down
another one he tries to trick

They’re on to you
you’ll never be free
I on the other hand
finally get to be me

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

My fear doesn’t stand a chance when I stand in Your love

Dark as the full moon sits high above
Pondering old thoughts thinking about love

What does it all mean
Another sip of this warm toasted bean

Only two hours from now
You’ll hold your head and bow

It didn’t have to be this way
The pain you carry is what led you astray

One final session fate in another’s hand
Words you will never speak cover up your brand

The crime committed loving with my whole heart
Under your captivity ripped us completely apart

Be well until the end of your time
For me I’ll sit quietly and continue to rhyme

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Hush baby girl

Enmeshment no longer 💔

Remember not to forget
That sweet sound of instant regret

The war rages from the pit
Ignited now from the remorse of it

No bitterness in the voice you don’t wear
Love rings through if you listen you will hear

Rise up and shine
Gods Word is truly divine

Apart blossoms growth
Togetherness restricts the throat

Let go and be free
Unshackle the cuffs allowed to flee

A simple hello a painful goodbye
Try to the death no more tears left to cry

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

Possessive kind of love

He walked out of the mini mart to pump the gas. They weren’t married, not yet. Had she been more aware, who knows? He was noticing a man paying attention to her and it angered him. He became enraged at her, mumbled some foul words as he got behind the wheel and sped off, as if her beauty that attracted men was her fault, or a curse. This would become her norm, his insecurities that devoured him and she was his obsession.

Paranoia…

The engagement happened as she imagined. Her regret was sharing the fantasy of what it looked like and he replicated it like a script. His lack of originality disappointed her and this would continue throughout their marriage. Years passed by as their growing family blessed her and filled her heart and fed the emptiness, while he spiraled into the darkness unable to manage his jealousy, he began to demean her.

Stuck…

Tainted by his weaknesses she would seek attention that didn’t make her skin crawl and even welcome the kindness of strangers, but she remained faithful in body. His control was killing her and eventually she revolted, acting upon her impulses she thought would take her away from the insanity, but it only made things worse.

Disrespect…

She was a mother first and a woman with needs second. She could no longer ignore her desire to feel special, wanted and yearned for. Her affair she was told would be considered retaliatory. A lady’s innate need for protection and be given provision for his object of affection became clouded by that deep power of possession. He began to oppress her femininity solely for himself. Suspicious of her every move, she knew of his prior infidelities, despised his addictions and loathed the sight of him.

Severed…

Five years would pass. He walked into her experience, self proclaimed he was damaged goods, but she just smiled. The discarding began early on, only after his love bombing and idealizing of her cemented her heart with his. The insidious cycle of his abuse took her deep inside herself. Hiding in the depths of her own bewilderment and confusion, she knew he had taken possession of her.

Blindsided…

Trapped again under another’s control, she felt the demise, the assassination of her character, her soul at large, spirit on the run, how would she break free of this bondage? Too frightened to leave and terrified to stay, she found solace in her voiceless existence.

Shattered…

Bruised by his marks of ownership, ashamed for her lack of strength, value and self worth, she began to examine her life, asking herself why she couldn’t escape the torment of the ties that bound her, until the night she did.

Freedom…

Shame no longer has a place to hide

She is no ones possession of love

✍🏼🧝🏻‍♀️

LLG Tactical Coaching

Consulting~Child Advocacy~Coaching

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