crumbs are for the birds…and you love, deserve so much more
Her inner turmoil
Her pain, her anguish, her depletion, there is nothing I can do for her except to pray.
I can’t console her when the fire in her belly is ignited by rage.
“Can you rest, allowing your mind to slowly unwind while your body shuts itself down?”, I ask.
She stirs and mumbles something incoherent just as the rant awakens once more.
Relax is not in her vocabulary, only anxiety is the skill set she has acquired.
The uncomfortableness she feels in her own skin, it ravages her soul.
I shower just to find her gone when I appear from the steamed up bath.
A quick phone call to inquire are you alright, shall I keep on the light?
I hear my best friend’s voice in my head, “just let her vomit those eroding thoughts that haunt her”.
She doesn’t want you to fix her, just listen to her heart.
The words shoot through me like bullets loaded with her venom.
She’s not attacking me and she doesn’t mean to raise her voice, but it feels unbearable as I be still.
Wouldn’t you know, the less I speak, the calmer she becomes.
The thread began to wear to the end as did she from beginning to not quite the end.
Tomorrow might be the same or even a little bit different, who knows?
One thing is sure, this child struggles and suffers devastatingly so.
Yet no matter how near, far or out of touch, I will never leave her side because I simply love her that much.
Author: Tammy Kay
Somewhere along blurred lines, my self worth was solely dependent upon everyone else's opinions besides mine. Past life would keep dictating this way of “living” for a very long time. Like a brick pathway, my belief system was cemented in and it established a flawed premise of which I had learned to stick with and live by. I have since come to understand that a belief is just a thought I continue to have.
So brick by brick, I’ve begun the demolition and reconstruction during this process of becoming the most authentic version of me. For a lifetime this far, I have accepted the unacceptable, tolerated the intolerable and have remained in places far beyond their expiration date. After all, I had to stay with all my broken pieces. Now, I have been stifled for far too long. Freedom has bestowed upon me the use of my voice at last. Won't you join me on a new roller coaster of life as I navigate my way through this next part of my journey?
I promise to share my experience, strength and hope from my heart with depth and truth. I guarantee I will write about difficult things, struggles and even pain, yet in the darkness a little light glows. Through inspiration, a glimmer will shine because I want to leave you a little better than when you first found me.
View all posts by Tammy Kay
One thought on “Her inner turmoil”
LikeLiked by 1 person